Top 5 Songs of 2013

Last year, on Christmas day, I did my top five songs of 2012. This year, 5 days before Christmas Day, I’m doing my top five songs of 2013. It’s interesting; fascinating even.

Before you read you should also look at Adam’s exhaustive 2013 list.

Songs…

Hey Sandy by Polaris

This is the theme tune from Pete and Pete. I never really watched Pete and Pete but became obsessed with this song. Steven J. Kirk knows the singer. Fliss Webb doesn’t like this song but I make her sing the “aye, aye, aye” bit.

It’s 90s indie-(pop)-rock. So I likes it.

Sligo River Blues by John Fahey

I know this sounds almost exactly the same as “Hey Sandy” but I’m a sucker for a good hook. Butseriouslyfolks John Fahey’s awesome. I just wish when I ripped his 2 cd best of onto my computer back in ought’ seven it hadn’t put those annoying clips in.
This is beautiful.

Sleepwalk by Santo and Johnny

I remembered this song from 12 Monkeys – in fact I kept on searching for “Hawaiian Music” to find it. They’re not Hawaiian. This is the song they play when you die and you’re waiting around watching everyone still alive.

My Girl by The Temptations

I used to sing this song on my paper round when I was 14. I got hit by a car on my paper round when I was 14 cos I used to cross the main road with my eyes closed. My ears weren’t all I thought. The best thing about this song is you sing the riff when you’re asked to sing it.

I Fucked My Aunt by  The Lonely Island

I’m  not going to bother writing about this. Apart from that.

John, Dec 13.

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Carol Brown

Comedy music. It seems to be loved by nerds, enjoyed by many but taken seriously by very, very few. And I always got the feeling it was seen as uncool by most.

I’ve already written about The Lonely Island –  and I implied my love for them – now I turn my attention to Flight Of The Conchords. I was going to write a cohesive, compelling argument about the brilliance of Carol Brown but I thought I’d just make a list about why it’s one of the best songs ever.

Carol Brown

1. The idea is funny: The conceit that a man would list all the “ways lovers have left me” and for them to respond belittling him in a chorus? Mwah.

2.It’s musically excellent: Especially the chorus and the drop out at the end of the verse.

3. It’s really funny: See the call and response of “he doesn’t cook or clean, he’s not good boy friend material.” followed by an  “Oooooooh we can eat cereal”

4. It’s pitched perfectly: See the way he half sings sincerely and then crams in lines like “who organised my ex-girlfriends in a choir and got them to sing” and almost breaks the 4th wall.

4. It’s really clever: The huge list of ex girlfriends names and (audacious) rhymes, “Loretta broke it off in a letter”, takes a huge amount of skill.

5. It pays loving homage to Paul Simon: Being an inversion of 50 ways to leave your lover. But better.

Paul simon

6. It has a brilliant video: Shot by Michel Gondry, of famous music video fame, and having Brett and Jemaine turning 2d, getting big, getting small etc.

7. It builds on Jemaine’s character without you having to know a thing about him to enjoy it.

8. It’s a slow burner: For example, noticing that everything that happens in the video is a result of the Jemaine messing with his computerised guitar.

9. It lets you sing girls names at them: And get a look that says your a creep/nerd. e.g. “Felicity said there was no electricity”.

10. It’s genuinely moving: When Jemaine sings “but I’m hoping that you’ll stick around”, it’s Red House Painters stuff.

Red House Painters

John


The Genealogy of Motherlover

What is it dog? I forgot it's Mother's Day...

Pop music. We enjoy it. We dance to it. It infects our brains as earworms. But how seriously do we take it? Do we engage with the serious questions it throws up?

Yes, some songs that raise serious questions in their titles and these are answered as a matter of course, e.g;

Travis – Q: “Why does it always rain on me?” A:”because you lack an umbrella”.

Bob Dylan – Q: “How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?” A: 42 (as any fan of The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy knows)

The Smiths – Q: How Soon is Now? A: Now.

The KLF – Q: What Time is Love? A: 12.23am

Rod Stewart – Q: Do Ya Think I’m Sexy? A: For a period in the 70’s, sadly, yes.

and so and so forth.

But what about the questions implicit in songs? These are the one’s that go unanswered. For example the Hollies sang, “He aint heavy, he’s my brother.” Yet we still do not know how heavy (or light) the brother in question was.

What does Lady Gaga’s poker face look like?

Who shot the Deputy?

Which leads me to The Lonely Island’s pop opus “Motherlover”.

Please take a second to familiarise yourself with our source material by clicking the link below, before we continue.

We know the boys are going to sleep with each others mothers. In fact they further this with the aim of impregnating each other’s respective mothers. All well and good. But the implicit question remains: What will the genealogical connection of these theoretical children be?

Let’s find out.

Firstly, we should set out the relationship between Andy Samberg, Justin Timberlake and their respective mothers.

Fig 1.

We can clearly see that Mother Samberg and Mother Timberlake are Andy and Justin’s mothers, respectively.

Now if Andy and Justin were to mate with each other’s mothers and produce offspring our diagram would look a little like this.

Fig 2.

Here it might be useful to define to our symbols: A downward arrow denotes parentage. A horizontal line with a heart denotes a sexual relationship that produced offspring.

Now, whilst technically accurate, Fig 2. does not really help us determine relationship. We must therefore, look at the cases of Baby Samberg and Baby Timberlake separately.

Fig 3.

Fig 4.

From Fig 3. and Fig 4. we can see the following

i) Andy and Baby Timberlake would be half siblings; Justin and Baby Samberg would be half siblings.

Assuming marriage between a) Mother Samberg and Justin and b) Mother Timberlake and Andy we would have:

ii) Justin and Andy would be each other’s respective Father in Laws.

iii) Mother Samberg and Mother Timberlake would be each other’s Mother in Law and Daughter in Law.

But what about Baby Timberlake and Baby Samberg. Combing Fig 4. and Fig 5., with Baby Timberlake as the end product and avoiding any unnecessary repetition of participantswe have the following:

Fig 5.

and if we take Baby Samberg as the end product we have:

Fig 6.

From Fig 5. and Fig 6. we see that Baby Samberg and Baby Timberlake are each others half-uncles and half-nephews; One’s mother being the other’s grandmother and vice-versa.

We can extend this further by considering both Mother Samberg and Mother Timberlake’s parentage and comparing these directly for both Baby Samberg and Baby Timberlake:

Fig 7.

Finally, we may ask ourselves, what is the genetic relationship between Baby Samberg  and Baby Timberlake. Assuming we share 50% unique DNA with our full siblings (receiving 50% of our father’s DNA and 50% of our mother’s with the DNA given being normally distributed), then a child will share 25% of the DNA of one of it’s parents.

Andy Samberg has  50% of Mother Samberg’s DNA;  Baby Samberg has 50% of this DNA; Therefore Baby Samberg has 25% of Mother Samberg’s DNA. Baby Timberlake has 50% of Mother Samberg’s DNA of which half can be expected to be the same as that received by Andy Samberg. Therefore Baby Timberlake and Baby Samberg share 12.5% through Mother Samberg.

Similarly

Justin Timberlake has  50% of Mother  Timberlake’s DNA;  Baby Timberlake has 50% of this DNA; Therefore Baby Timberlake has 25% of Mother Timberlake’s DNA. Baby samberg has 50% of Mother Timberlake’s DNA of which half can be expected to be the same as that received by Justin Timberlake. Therefore Baby Timberlake and Baby Samberg share 12.5% through Mother Timberlake.

Adding these together we can see that Baby Samberg and Baby Timberlake will share 25% of their unique DNA. The same as half siblings.
In conclusion, it would be inadvisable for these Babies to mate as their offspring would have considerable risk have genetic illness.